About

I am a certified Spiritual Counsellor and Soul Plan Reader.

BA (Hons) Dip. Spiritual Counselling, H-hp Dip, MCMA

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About four years ago I underwent spiritual experiences which had me investigate this ego of ours.

Although I had been ‘seeking’ since my teens, starting with literature and philosophy, I had never looked at ‘spiritual awakening’ or ‘loss of ego’ per se – until then. I knew so much – new age stuff, past lives, near death experiences (reading), Landmark Education (ILP level), Silva Mind Control and Nichiren Shoshu Buddhism (Soka Gakkai), which I practiced for seven years. What I wanted from Buddhism was the ‘Buddhahood’…I must have spent months, in total, worshiping a scroll, till they suddenly said the scrolls issued during a certain time period were fake. Hmm, I though, where’s the Buddhahood in this?

I also practiced Christianity later. The best part was the hymns. I loved the hymns, I would always feel emotional. I guess that was the start of the real search for ‘God’. Christianity arrived at a low point in my life, and filled a gap, but it was only when nothing was filling the gap, that a whole new and real nothingness actually showed up. I really cannot explain it properly in words, but those that have awakened, will know. In a no-seeking mode, answers show up, and are obvious. Once you see the inter-connectedness of everything and everything being alive, conscious, then you can never (not normally anyway) really go back to the brainwashed or forgetful state of who or what one thinks one is. Awakening involves pain at first, and this is the road less travelled. For myself, I didn’t seek it – the pain or the awakening – consciously. These were the ingredients:

1) I had much time alone, as I was off work at the time.

2) There was a trigger. There is usually – always – a trigger. Cause and effect. That much I did learn from Buddhism. But now it became obvious in a real way to me. Nothing can occur without the conditions being present for it to be so. It’s perfect. Life has a momentum, an ebb and flow. Then one day, the ebb and flow itself is seen. – in its fullest perfection.

3) I felt ‘forced’ onto my healing journey. I saw the pain body, as per Eckhart Tolle. I released, and let go…despite cultural conditioning. The bottleneck kind of exploded. Reiki, Shamanic healing, Mother Meera, Darshan, and more.

4) I meditated quite a bit for some time. Silence became alive. I fasted a couple of times.

5) Spiritual experiences occurred. They healed in one fell swoop and showed me there was more than just the physical life, and that there was communication between the two sides of the veil. I describe one experience below. A feeling of nothingness.

6) Jiddu Krishnamurti. Ramana Maharshi, Osho and also other living teachers, some of whom I spoke to.

7) Ego was seen, and finally reconciled. The distance between the roles I had been / played, and who I was now experiencing myself to be – ie as none of those things – was felt as quite palpable for several weeks. It translated as a nothingness in my stomach.

7) My working life changed. My emotional life changed.

A pivotal experience occurred about two years into this process, when I asked for Truth to be shown to me in my dream that night. I needed to know Truth. This was my greatest wish. I knew that had I achieved every single thing to be attained on Earth by man eg fame, wealth, relationships, power, etc etc, I still would need to know Truth. Here’s what happened.

In the middle of the night I awoke, and remembering the dream I had just been having of floating in space along with a rhythmical droning going on in my physical third eye area, I noticed the palpitations were actually going on in real life in my third eye area. And it was pulsating, like the low droning of Tibetan monks, in beats. I knew I was actively being shown something by Truth (I am looking for the most neutral word!) – and simply because I had asked. So you see folks, all you need to do is ask sincerely…

Needless to say, that experience changed me. I had been shown that the Universe is vast/infinite, but orderly and intelligent. There is no nothing that is really nothing. Everything is something, and that something is this Space/Stillness, or Creativity, or Source of All That Is. Choose whatever word you like, it all points to the same thing. Everything is Truth. And Truth is Everything. (You can so easily have fun with words!)

Non-attachment is the way. But ego does not go lightly. Still, there comes a time when it’s the time for this. Many people are experiencing this right now. Some people have shared their experience of the ‘void’ with me. And I have to say I experienced this myself, and continue to do so now and then. Probably a handful of times in total. It’s a space of neutrality, without emotion or reaction to emotion, but with a pointlessness feeling and awareness is very much in the Now. Thoughts become fast, yet effortless. But it is also a strange experience. Some who have written to me, feel stuck in this. But there is little to do, just experience it, for that is all we’ve come here for anyway – simply to experience and digest. There is also a sense of real freedom in the ‘void’ – maybe it sounds crazy to those who have no idea what I mean, but to those others who do, it is a state of sanity

This blog is my passion. I never knew how so many wonderfully-giving people would regularly visit to read, watch, connect and share. I am grateful to all. I welcome comments on my posts, and look forward to hearing from you.

Love, Light and Peace on your journey,