My name is Reena Gagneja and I’ve been searching for whatever is behind this whole life, universe and everything, for a long time now – since teenage years – which is a long time now!
I’m a qualified Spiritual Counsellor and Soul Plan Reader. I don’t see many counselling clients now except on occasions, but I continue to provide Soul Plan Readings – they are accurate and transformative. Readings help to highlight the barriers that hide from our view the truth of our very being.
I’ve travelled many paths, religions (Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity, Akram Vignan), personal development practices (Landmark Education courses, Silva Mind Control, new age workshops, others) and many more things besides. I’ve read / studied Jiddu Krishnamurti, Ramana Maharishi, Nisargadatta Maharaj, Papaji, Osho, Anandamayi Ma, Buddha, and others.
The really conscious journey however began just about seven years ago when worldly roles and meanings that we usually don’t question, lost their grip on me.
Here’s a bit more detail about how this all happened…
I was off work and changing career direction. Due to various circumstances – as life doles up to us at times – I found myself pretty emotionally challenged, and a whole new inner journey started for me that had its roots in my childhood (as it always does) but then proceeded to take me into spiritual waters that my innate cynicism and intellect could only bow and surrender to.
Alongside great emotional letting go (it was like there was no choice in this respect, when we suppress so much we can be sure that one day it’s going to pop up and say hello), I an almost tangible sense of nothingess / emptiness / void settled in my belly for some weeks. I had no idea what this was, and thought I was going a bit Simultaneously I experienced a real distance between the person I had known myself to be and the perception that was now arising. I say arising because I did not feel I was doing any of this at all, it was rather being done to me. However this me to whom this was being done, was now undefined, unrestricted and could not really be contained in my mind’s understanding. The strong values, culture, self-definitions, beliefs and worldly outlooks I had so eagerly defended in the past had suddenly disappeared as if in a puff of smoke. They had lost their worth and worthiness of being defended.
The whole thing was very unnerving as I had no reference point. I started surfing the net for any sort of explanation for this sense of nothingness / void. I found others were having similar experiences! That was encouraging! Some even mentioned the word ‘nothingness’ and ‘void.’ It was as I read these things that I found words for my own experiences.
There was one pivotal experience which at the time blew my mind, as they say. One night, I was feeling elated with all that had occurred on this spiritual plane, yet there was still suffering – an insatiable longing for something, a deep, primordial type yearning. I sat on my bed and prayed for truth to be shown to me in my dream that night. I needed to know, not just to intellectually understand Truth. I knew that had I achieved every single thing people generally spend their energy on aiming for – fame, wealth, beauty, relationships, power, approval, success – I still would not be satisfied and would need to know the truth about life.
That same night I received my answer in a dream that became physical and continued as I awoke. My 3rd eye was pulsating physically to a beat that had been going on the dream I had been having. In these moments, I felt stupendously and miraculously touched by Supreme Intelligence. The answer to my exhortation before going to sleep was given to me by a Presence, It was very actively and interestedly present. There was no doubting the fact that I was not alone in those moments. I was being shown something – the Truth of the universe – that Truth was Intelligence, and whilst that night It seemed interested in me, I have since come to see that the Spirit that is behind everything is not like the God we imagine – sitting on high in judgement with likes and dislikes. No, Supreme Intelligence is dispassionate and all-pervading, but compassion and specificity can arise.
After that experience, everything just seemed different, fresher. I saw my kids when they awoke as if they had been away for weeks, they looked so fresh as only kids can. I noticed the birds in the garden for the first time fully. I felt awe and bliss. I felt gratitude. I felt love. I also felt emotionally lighter, so much internal heaviness, loneliness and turmoil had gone. The absence of the old Reena was amazing, wonderful and freedom.
Since then I have found that emotional patterns and egoic thinking have come up again and again to be cleared, but only as the defined sense of a me returns for a period of time. Alongside, in moments of not seeking, silence became alive. I felt expansiveness and connectedness with the outside world and with people in a general sense. Realization after realization was occurring at a rapid pace. It was like I knew so much and not of my own doing, but Knowledge just arose. I found myself existing more in a space beyond the Reena / person / individual I had known myself to be – it was freedom. Things just shifted in leaps and bounds eneregetically. One day (9/9/2009) I awoke and found myself to no longer be able to ingest meat or fish. Not through any morality but just that energetically my body was no longer to eat that. Emotionally things just healed.
Finally I had ‘found’ something I said to myself.
Yet, that was the issue, I tried even harder from then on to keep this freedom, and believed that somehow the universe was looking after me and that eventually I would land up in a permanent state of liberation through such efforts.
Little did I know that it was the seeking that was the barrier. But this is what many do. We awaken then believe that all our previous efforts made the awakening happen so we keep on trying to get somewhere – deeper, more awakened, more enlightened etc. These efforts do make us feel good, but they only improve our sense of our self, the ‘me’, they don’t liberate us because it is impossible to be liberated whilst there is a sense of seeking. If we are truly the Oneness and Source of All that abounds then any seeking is a statement to say that we are not and thus this energy is a barrier. If you are everything how exactly do we go find it! It’s already here. The problem is that we live in a mindset of good and bad, so we seek the good (awakened/spiritual states and experiences) and shun the bad (all else. suffering, anxiety etc). This is simply duality. True non-duality is that which already is everything including the bad and the ugly, not just the good. It is so simple, yet we have many complex ideas and concepts that hinder the simple truth of this seeing. The story of me is well and truly still there, even after some awakening experiences, but it is now simply a little more palatable, eg a ‘spiritual me.’ But this better me is just another me, only a tad more clever. The ego does not let up easily.
We are already That which we seek.
Yes, you are the one.
The ‘one’ is really Oneness / Nothing being Everything.
So how can you awaken or become liberated? Well you can’t. It will occur of its own accord, the only thing perhaps that you (the me) can do is to see how embedded you are in your story and not be too concerned about getting somewhere.
In the end, you will find what you’re seeking right here, right now, and then seeking will stop. That’s when ecstasy and joy will become your lover and companion.